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contemplation

Speaking of Abraham in Romans 4, Paul writes:
"In hope against hope he believed, in order that he might become a father of many nations, according to that which had been spoken, "So shall your descendants be." And without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief, but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what He had promised, He was able also to perform. Therefore also it was reckoned to him as righteousness." Romans 4:18-22
This set of verses caught my attention of late - I'm still trying to figure out exactly what they mean. When it says that "he contemplated his own body..." he obviously took a realistic look at the situation. It's like he was saying, "OK, I'm really, really old - my body's not working so great any more. Sarah was past child-bearing years decades ago." Yet though he pointed out the reality of the situation the Bible tells us that "he did not waver in unbelief." I think many times we have allowed the "positive-thinking gospel" to become part of what we think of as THE gospel. In a sort of superstitious way we think "as long as I only think good, positive things then maybe that will show God I really have faith and He will come through on His promise." But that's not what Abraham, the father of Faith, did! He "contemplated" the impossibility of the situation, didn't waver, but yet "grew strong in faith" and through this "(gave) glory to God"!

So, what impossibilities am I facing right now? Honestly when I think to list them, they seem so petty. This first thing that came to my mind was living out the remainder of this pregnancy in a new city with no friends near. The health issues I've had recently - often in the back of my mind the idea that there may be a blood clot floating around somewhere inside. The normal pain of pregnancy that doesn't ever seem to be "normal", but very real and inconvenient. The fact that we moved here for the "near-perfect" job, yet Don is having to work until very late with no extra pay. I guess living through these isn't impossible - just put one foot in front of the other and slowly time will make the living possible. It is living through these with faith and joy and contentment and peace and no fear that is impossible. So am I "weak in faith" if I list these things? Am I weak if I contemplate the trials I am facing? Should I rather bury my head in the sand and pretend these don't exist? Or just keep thinking that "of course I don't have a blood clot" because by just thinking that the possibility of it will go away? Based on Abraham's example, I don't think so. When I stop and list the trials, it causes me to also recognize the blessings and the relish in God's promises. "I will never leave you nor forsake you." "I will not withhold any good thing from you." "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men liberally and without reproach." "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." I helps me to be "fully assured that what [God] had promised, He was able also to perform."

Of course, I still cry out "Lord, help my unbelief!" I pray that God would cause me to grow strong in faith and through every day of my life (not just until this season is over!) that I would give glory to God. That seems impossible - but I must remember "...with God all things are possible" and it is on Him - not me - that my faith rests.

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